Sunday, June 24, 2007

What *WAS* I Thinking?

***Post Edited on Account of Depression***

Junket says I should not leave this post up as originally written. I think she's right, so this is the edited version, with most of the depressive parts excised. You kind folk don't need to hear that crap!

Priscilla
6-25-07




In a rare attempt at self-improvement, I flipped Amazon.com my credit card number so they would send me Learn Spanish Even If You've Never Learned Spanish Before, How To Ask Where The Commode Is In Spanish & Seven Other Languages and 1001 Absolute Must-Have Spanish Phrases You Will Need If You Wish To Escape Being Eaten By Natives In The Jungles Of Venezuela.

After a few false starts, I was ripping along admirably--learned my numbers in Spanish from cero to veinte, and the phrases "buenos dias," "buenos tardes" and "buenos noches." Junket had learned quite a bit of the language in high school, so she was helping me with pronunciation and beginning to conjugate verbs. We reached a stuck point, and Junket had to look something up online. She was kind enough to print out several sheets of Spanish grammar for me, the reading of which summoned back some malevolent ghosts from 40-odd years ago: I had never bothered to learn English grammar, so any attempt to learn another language would be...uh...somewhat compromised.

I couldn't locate Junket's mean-ass, pejorative, ¡Idiota Estúpidio! Online Guide to Spanish Grammar, so I'm printing out a neato English/Spanish grammar glossary I found on About.com. About.com has a section on everything, and I mean everything. Need to find silver buttons with ceramic photo inserts of Pierre Charles LeSueur? Check out 'Bout.com! Need to sleep in a tree for a couple of nights? Visit 'Bout! Eye about to pop out? 'BOUT!!!

Which just goes to show, for every obscure, esoteric, seemingly-unanswerable question that can be asked, there's someone on Earth who knows the answer! Where did all these people with all of this enigmatic knowledge come from? The contributors to About.com appear to be ordinary people, many without a higher education, who are contributing just for the fun of sharing their wisdom with others. When my brothers and I were growing up, our parents were fond of whipping out little bits of their own enlightenment from time to time, just to scare the hell out of us. We didn't understand the weight of knowledge and experience that can be gathered over a lifetime.

Going without schooling is a terribly depressing mistake that can haunt a person forever, so I would not recommend doing this to oneself. But maybe those of us who have never set foot inside any hallowed halls of learning have manged some edification after all, and maybe we can share some of what we know with others. Someone out there needs to know how to transfer baby ladybugs from trees to aphid-infested hydrangeas (a Priscilla specialty)! As for Spanish, well, all I can say is: ay dios mio!

4 comments:

Junket said...

No one knows or cares what a gerund is in English, and there's no way you need to know what a gerund is in Espanol right now. What needs to happen is we need to hunt down some textbooks from high schools- Spanish I, Spanish II. If it allowed the dumbest guy in the class to pass with a C, you'll be way ahead of the game. I think maybe you have the wrong books. The one you have explains nothing, and the other one you have takes up where the explaining from the first should have left off. Now is not the time to set down your books and say, "No deseo aprender hablar español". Now is the time to say, "¡Usted no puede pararme, culo!"

Jo said...

I do love About.com, I have found some fun stuff there. Sorry you had to take your depressed post down and mostly I hope things are looking up for ya.
And school? I've learned most of what I know outside of school walls. Betcha you could write an awesome book about rat care...

Priscilla Pseudonym said...

Actually, my forte is in sanitary assurance. Removal of animal droppings is a serious concern, and I take my responsibilities seriously. Here is a picture of my powerful Flexrake Jaws Scoop for the yard.

Please shoot me.

Jo said...

Wow! That is some scooper!!! Heavy duty type. But I do wonder about the usefulness of that scoop in the rat cage...